Raising Manly Sons

This world is in a constant campaign to make it men less and less manly. And no wonder; the manly man is a conqueror and will not tolerate Satan's advancement in his areas of leadership. Satan wants men who are to sissy to stand against him. Christians have slacked duty to raise man men. Too many Christian men are run by their wives or by the women of the church. Too many men have rolled over and allowed women to usurp authority over them. It's time for Christian families to raise their sons to be manly men. 


Some suggestions:
1. Get them outside
Let them breathe the air and pretend to do battle with great enemies. Don't take away their toy guns and knives but teach them to use them responsibly. Graduate them to the real thing early.
>

2. Let them get hurt
Bumps and bruises and scars are a part of manly process. Moms can be over protective. Let them bleed a little and don't coddle them when they do.

3. Show them your battle wounds
They don't have to be real scars. Tell them stories of your own adventures.

4. Get them around men
Boys should be around their dads a lot. They need to see dad working, sweating and "swinging a sword" so to speak. Boys should be around men who work hard and are glad to do it. When my oldest son was just nine or ten years old he walked up to one of the most well known pastors in our country, held out his hand to shake the preacher's and introduced himself. That preacher turned to me shocked and impressed. My son had grown up around preachers and was not intimidated by them. Boys should respect men, not be afraid of them.

5. Pray for them and encourage them in their own battles
Even the toughest soldier needs encouragement and some time for healing now and then. Pray with and for your sons. Encourage them when they have to endure a battle. Relieve them if you can; but don't fight their fight for them, don't protect them to much from their battle and for sure don't baby them while they develop their manly skills.

There is a balance between tough and tender. Real men are thoughtful and studious as well as tough and courageous. Just don't steal their manliness in your desire to make them your sweethearts.

Training Your Children to Be Content

Giving your children the right things early will help them be content in their lives
1. Give the time
2. Give them skill
3. Give them laughter
4. Give them Chris
5. Give them family

Leaving a Spiritual Legacy

Here is a link to an article worth considering.

http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/title-ways-to-leave-a-spiritual-legacy-for-your--747.php

Teach What They Should Do Instead of What They Shouldn't

1. Teach your children that life is about God

2. Teach your children that loving others comes from loving God

3. Teach your children that it is more blessed to give than to receive

4. Teach your children that true joy awaits us in heaven (rather than merely seeking quick fun here)

5. Teach your children the character of mercy, forgiveness, courage, humility and faithfulness

Correction

1. Forgive your children's error.
2. Apologize to your children for your error
3. Refuse to discipline in anger
4. Use soft tones rather than loud when correcting your children
5. Be consistent with both discipline and love.

Establishing Family Traditions

When my children were very young I read an article that suggested making memories as a family, establishing some traditions that we would carry on year after year. I spoke to my wife about the idea and she suggested we include a tradition her parents had had during her childhood, of visiting and decorating family graves on Memorial Day. We began going with her parents each Memorial Day and my children don't remember one they have missed. We even made special arrangements to visit those graves (in Oregon) while we lived in Southern California and Oklahoma. Anita's parents are both gone now but this tradition (along with some others) have continued.

1. Plan some (nearly) unbreakable family activities

I think the reason the Memorial Day tradition stuck is because my in-laws would have visited those graves with or without us. Knowing they were going made it that much easier to settle that we were going.

2. Have some fun with family traditions

We chose early to incorporate some children's activities in Memorial Day. It is a long day with lots of driving so we planned for breaks throughout the day and a big finish just for the kids.

3. Use traditions to teach manners and etiquette

My wife has always been big on a fully set table. Breakfast lunch and dinner were always at the table and always with the dishes and silverware in their proper places.

4. Some traditions may not even be recognized

When my oldest son began courting his wife to be, her parents asked him what some of our family traditions were. We have tons of them but he had never thought of them as traditions. 

5. Allow some flexibility as the children move into adulthood

Memorial day has changed a lot over the years. We no longer go to all of the graves we did when my in-laws were alive but we now go to their graves as well as some of the others. We have had to rent larger and larger vehicles to accommodate my growing family (grandchildren now come with us on our trip). Some parts of the tradition have had to change as places we used to gather during the day are no longer open. We see some further tweaks we will need to make to honor the tradition without becoming burdened by it. Still, we all agree we want to continue with the tradition in a newer format.

With Your Kids

1. Do projects with your kids
2. Provide adventures with your kids
3. Love the Lord with your kids
4. Give your kids to the Lord
5. Learn a skill with your kids

Adult Kids

1. Need our prayers fervently
2. Need our support but not our interference
3. Need our guidance only when they seek it
4. Need us to allow them to be their own family
5. Need to have their parents give them a place to break away from pressure.

Teaching Responsibility

1. Let your kids see you are human

Let them see your mistakes and how you deal with them. Your children will benefit from seeing in you; repentance, humility and contrition. They will learn to take responsibility for their own actions as they witness you taking responsibility for your own.

2. You’re your kids be human

Give them responsibilities that are appropriate for their age. Don't always clean up their mistakes for them. They need to learn there are consequences for sins and for irresponsibility.

3. Guide your children through decision making and responsibilities

But don't make all of their decisions or do all their chores for them. Too often parents don't want to deal with the mess of letting their children learn how to achieve.

4. Begin early

Give them small responsibilities with caring consequences certainly as soon as they can walk.

5. Be an encourager

Even when your child is paying the consequence of irresponsibility your response can be encouraging rather than condemning.  

Teach Your Children to Serve God

1. Be faithful to church

2. Get involved in a family ministry

3. Consider taking your children on a short missions trip.

It doesn't have to be overseas. Ask your pastor about a church planter nearby. Maybe help them with VBS.

4. Speak to them about the possibility of a call to serve God full time when they are grown

5. Write out a family statement of faith

To The Mom

You are the creator of the home the kids are raised in/

1. Make it a home with laughter

Learn to be a happy mom. Teach your children to find joy in simple and quiet things as well as loud and busy things. Let them laugh about colors and drawings. Teach them the joy of reading as well as running.

2. Make it a home of sanctuary

The home ought to be that place everyone in the family loves to be.

• Protect the home from too many visitors.
• Furnish the home with things of the Lord.
• Adorn the home with wonderful smells.

My wife has always enjoyed scented candles. When my oldest son was about to be married one of his groomsmen, a young man who had grown up with my sons but had not been to our house since we had moved to a new ministry (it had been many years) walked in to our house and immediately commented, "It smells just like I remembered." 

• Different town
• Different house, but
• The same home.

3. Make it a home of expectation

Things should be arranged in a way that everyone is eager for dad to come home. The home needs to be a sanctuary for dad so he is excited to be home and the attitude of mom and the kids should be loving expectation of his arrival. (As a picture of our looking for Christ's return)

4. Make it a home of peace

Don't stress. You may have to change personal habits that make you stressed and that make you pass that stress through the home.

5. Make it a home of discovery

Answer those "Why?" questions. If you don't have the answer, teach your children how to find answers. Let them touch and smell and try. Let them work. Through attempts at making beds and washing dishes and raking yards they gain motor skills and a sense of the satisfaction of work.

To the Father

1. Pray personally for each of your children in their presence.

Do it every day.

2. Protect your children from early sexual interest.

By avoiding watching shows with explicit scenes. We did not practice swimming in pools with others so our kids did not see others immodestly dressed.

3. Praise your kids whenever possible

4. Let your kids work with you.

5. Hug and kiss your children.

They need that from their dad.

Teach Your Children to Be Truly Happy

I keep an article on display for parents at our church entitled, "Excitement Deprives Children of Happiness."[1] The gist of the article, written by a Jewish man, is that over stimulation prevents a person from experiencing true joy. And it makes sense when a person observes the world of extreme sports. People can't enjoy cross country skiing so they graduate to downhill. But when the "buzz" of that wears off they jump out of helicopters to sky down cliffs. I am not saying it is wrong to enjoy those things but an adrenaline junky will have trouble developing the truly godly disciplines of quiet time with the Lord, Bible reading and meditating upon it, prayer that is fervent, sitting at the feet of Christ in a church service where the emphasis is on worship rather than spiritual entertainment. 

How can we train kids to be truly happy and content? 

1. Limit electronic entertainment

TV, radio, and game boards. 

2. Get them to a park

I do not mean a theme park. I mean somewhere with grass and trees. 

3. Teach them to ride a single speed bike.

Keep them away from things with loud engines

4. Enjoy a camping/fishing trip

5. Exciting things are fine, but they shouldn't be the norm

---

[1]http://townhall.com/columnists/dennisprager/2007/08/07/excitement_deprives_children_of_happiness/page/full/

Tools For Discipline

I have always believed that the "go to" form of discipline is a spanking, correctly administered.

• It is biblical 
• It is quickly executed and then it is over 
• It is effective, and  
• It provides opportunity to complete the discipline with unbroken fellowship with the child

However it is not the only format of discipline we used.

1. Removal of toys. 

If our kids were told to pick their toys up and they left them out, the toy was removed. Sometimes permanently

2. Anita used a quiet voice very effectively to get the attention of our children. 

3. It was a given that if mom had to discipline while dad was away, dad would also discipline when he arrived home. It was a sign of mutual support.

4. We never liked "time outs" because they let the children brew in anger. 

The duration of the time out is a time of broken fellowship. We never wanted broken fellowship to last. However we would have our kids got on their rooms to "solve the problems of the world." The difference is in the when. We always did this before they were in trouble and needed discipline but when we could see it was coming.

5. An ounce of prevention... 

When we were about to enter situations where there was then likelihood of them getting in trouble we would rehearse to them our expectations and have them repeat them to us. We also recognized they were children and would try to remove them from those situations before they had been as good as they could be as long as they could be.